One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think a kid would responsible me up
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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