Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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