Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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