to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
