oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
