found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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