Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
