He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
