some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
