i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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