she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
