Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
