Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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