why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
