I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
