Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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