not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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