how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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