My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
