maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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