also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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