I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
