It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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