May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
