He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
