that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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