I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
