I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this just has baby written all over it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
