i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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