Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
