if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
