$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
