I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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