the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she told me i tasted like america
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
