Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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