filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
