my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
