Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
