I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
