party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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