Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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