his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
