Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
