this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
