a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
