Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
