just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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