remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
