Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
