There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
