I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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