Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
