White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just google imaged poop.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
