Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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