this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
