He uses pillows to masturbate.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
