bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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