You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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