WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
