Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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