It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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