I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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