Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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