she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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