he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
