ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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