So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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