the condom got lost in my hair
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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