omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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