I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
