I don't think brook has ever known best
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How's work?
Spinning.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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