I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
40s are totally the cure
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
